Thursday, March 31, 2016

Me, Guest Blogger! Save Your Skin Foundation - #NotJustSkinCancer

Hand in hand with the #NotJustSkinCancer campaign launch, I was happy to write a piece for saveyourskin.ca regarding the video and my perspective of the complacency in social media about sun safety and the risk of skin cancer diagnosis.  Please see the blog here:
            It is #NotJustSkinCancer - it IS skin cancer!

Thank you, as always, for reading.  







Wednesday, March 30, 2016

#NotJustSkinCancer - Campaign Launch - - this is the video I've been talking about!

In December I participated in the video filming of interviews of a select group of patients recovering from melanoma... melanoma Survivors, melanoma Warriors... I hesitate to label the rabble bunch we could otherwise appear to be.  ;-)  From Melanoma Network of Canada and Save Your Skin Foundation, along with the PR group coordinating this collaboration, we voluntarily gathered for a day of sharing and camaraderie.

We spent a day in Toronto, at a chic converted school building in an art studio and an upstairs studio, talking and filming, discussing and sharing.  
We had at least two things in common: a chance at recovery from a life-threatening disease; and a desire to talk about it.

I have been hinting about it since then, but have been bound by a confidentiality contract, NO talkie-talkie!  Patiently (NOT) waiting for the day of the launch, a busy day for all involved (social media campaigns as they tend to be)  

I have been preparing an article or two for other venues as well, eager to share my story of melanoma diagnosis and survival, either for proof that it (survival) can happen these days, or as a message of friendship and support to anyone who may be diagnosed in the future.  

Melanoma treatment has come a long way in the last couple of years, and there are many physicians and advocacy groups working to preserve that effort. One of which happens to be Save Your Skin Foundation, in Vancouver BC, with whom I first connected last year at the peak of my fear and dread of the disease from which I thought I might never recover.  

Save Your Skin Foundation was there for me when all else failed; busy Kathy (and everyone else on her team who I emailed) are always available, in email response and by phone, and I was able to physically meet them this year in Toronto.  I am happy to spend my recovery time collaborating with them to promote melanoma awareness.  

I want to share my story, my experience with metastatic melanoma, in order to show camaraderie with other "Mela-Homies (to quote my Melahomie from The Hotel Melanoma)" in our conversation about what is POSSIBLE.  Statistics haven't been favourable for folks in my position over the last few decades, but now that advances in medicine are taking us past an immediate death sentence by melanoma, there are more of us around to talk about it.

Equal and timely access for melanoma treatment is the goal of many patients and advocacy groups, based on the frightening experience of melanoma patients in past.  We are beginning to receive treatments more effective than those in the past, and we are grateful for it.  But I digress...

The video launches today.  In fact it was first shown (clips) on CanadaAM this morning.  CANADA AM!!  I'm not sure that those of us in that white Toronto room filming in December thought that this might be the outcome, but for myself at least I can attest that the emotion I feel for the project is worth the public fanfare.

Susan was in this video as well, and she joined Annette Cyr from Melanoma Network of Canada on Canada AM early this morning to discuss the campaign and skin cancer in general.  
Sue said everything I would have wanted to say - fantastic job!! In fact Cass was watching with Scott and I and she kept saying "Mom - She's saying everything you say!"  "You always say that!"
Great job Sue and Annette!

This is a topic that deserves attention! And I am happy to use myself as example as to why it deserves attention.  I will talk about it until I am blue in the face, because it is NOT JUST SKIN CANCER.

This campaign is in specific response to the complacency in social media today about sun safety (or the lack thereof) and the use of "hashtags" accompanying photos of sunburns and comments about sun over-exposure... such hashtags as "#SkinCancerIDontCare" and "#SkinCancerHereICome."  

I gather that most of these comments are borne out of ignorance of the true risk of extended exposure to UV radiation from time in the sun or from other sources such as indoor tanning equipment.  

I will share this story for days and weeks to come I'm sure, but the point of this campaign is that we wish to promote a new and far more productive hashtag: #NotJustSkinCancer.  

It is not JUST skin cancer... it IS skin cancer!

If you have not already seen it, please feel free to check out the video here, #NotJustSkinCancer - a collaborative project of Save Your Skin Foundation and Melanoma Network of Canada:



I commend the team involved, they were stellar, start to finish, in my experience.  From conception to execution, including coordination and communication, this was a first-class operation.  I could not think of any better company with which to share this message.  

Thank you Save Your Skin Foundation, Melanoma Network of Canada, Roche Canada, the Edelman folks, and of course my physicians for keeping me alive long enough to talk about the topic!  Thank you and Merci.  Speak to you soon!


Aside... I wish that Claire and Cassie could have come with me the day of filming. If it was "take your kid to work day" I would want them to spend the day with me working on a (any!) project with this team.  There are so many opportunities for youth on such a day: sound, camera, art direction, project management... if my girls were to grow up to be like any of the young people I witnessed that day, I would be immeasurably proud.


#NotJustSkinCancer - Media Links


See the interview on Canada AM this morning! Click HERE  
(This is the one that Cass was exclaiming "Mom - she sounds just like you! She agrees with you!" - great job Sue!)

http://www.ctvnews.ca/video?clipId=838677&playlistId=1.2837777&binId=1.811527&playlistPageNum=1&binPageNum=1

Susan also spoke with 680 News in this interview: CLICK HERE


Save Your Skin Foundation - Press Release





Tweets Inspired by Real Online Conversations Shed Light on Need for Greater Skin Cancer Awareness and Education


Today, a new conversation starts. #NotJustSkinCancer opens up an educated relevant conversation and sheds light on the seriousness of melanoma skin cancer.





Wednesday, March 23, 2016

March Break Survival

As usual March Break was a strangely busy week with various kiddos coming in and out of the house ...some family, some temporarily adopted, some small, some grown-up... ALL hungry. Or thirsty ;-) 
Ahhhh March Break.  You exhaust me.  Thankfully Scott cooks a mean meatloaf dinner, and I'm handy at the consistent munchies and veggie trays and baking distractions during the day.  Even the dog was tired afterward:


Last week was a mix of appointments and relax time, including THREE trips to Barrie.  We had an appointment with our therapist at the cancer centre, the girls had a teen night event doing a special art project at Gilda's Club, and Friday night was the night the girls have been waiting for since Christmas... a rock concert.  

Their bestie gave them tickets (Moms too, so five of us in total) to see Marianas Trench, which is a Canadian rock/punk band bordering on "emo." (Apparently teenagers assess emo by amount of black eyeliner is on the lead singer?)  Opening band was Walk Off The Earth, whom I have wanted to see since the release of their acoustic 5-people-1-guitar rendition of Somebody that I used to know by Gotye.  
I haven't been to a concert in a looooong time, and I feared I would be out of practice LOL but it seems we made out just fine (and the MOMS didn't EMBARRASS anybody).  

The music was loud and great and the energy was so fun.  I have been to many concerts, including seeing The Hip at Barrie Molson Centre also, but this was my first all-ages concert.  It was strange but still good, I likely wouldn't have allowed my 10-11 year olds to attend such a show (the language is about as "EMO" as the eyeliner) but my almost 14-year olds handled it just fine.  
Both bands were incredible, and I can say I emerged from the concert a new fan of Marianas Trench.  Adding to the phenomenal volume and cool stage stunts, there is talent and real feeling that bursts out of the shirtless rocker. 



Thankfully the other Mom played chauffeur so it was a lovely treat to be passenger and not have to focus on the road (through the scream-singing of three boisterous teenage girls to the music they had blaring).  Thanks Z and C for the fun night, it wouldn't have happened without you! 




After that raucous finale to the week I remained chill (and quiet!) for the weekend, catching up on random electronic/writing and house work I had neglected over the holiday week.  For a stay-cation in which I worried I hadn't done enough for the kids, I ended up feeling satisfied that indeed I had.   

We had started the week off with a sleepover and ladies' breakfast date with a couple of the girls' friends, and we slipped in some shopping as well as a doggie walk (mud) at the beach, plus a marathon or two of Cathedral World (the boardgame).  We baked St. Patricks Day cupcakes - please know that I should NOT be in charge of the icing, I am a better chef than baker. Cass also invented a creative new dish that has quickly turned into a family favourite: Cassi's Cauliflower and Cheese Carnivore Casserole.  The recipe is top secret, but I can tell you there is a pound of bacon in this thing! 

(that icing was supposed to be shamrock green... yikes I would have been better off to just add cocoa to it and call it chocolate!!)

Scott and I celebrated our "anniversary" on St. Pats Day, we have been through thick and thin together for five years! That is the rose he got me and the clover/shamrock plant I got for him.  :-)

Anyway, I will sign off for now as I have a bunch of thoughts to organize for a piece I have been asked to write for the melanoma awareness project I will be talking a LOT about next week.  In the meantime I will leave you with these random items that reflect my thinking at this time...

 Thanks to @youngcafighter for these 2 memes.... they fit well! 
Keep up your fight #ThyCaSista !









#NotJustSkinCancer



Tuesday, March 8, 2016

As the Stomach Churns...

*insert theme music from old American soap opera As the World Turns*

The other day my Aunt commented on one of my facebook/blog updates:  "Another interesting episode in 'The Life and Times of a Fighter'" and since then I have had this theme song stuck in my head.  Thanks Auntie! ;-)  

I appreciate the complimentary sentiments, and I was thinking on my drive home from the city last night that I have no choice BUT to fight.  There are certainly times (and I often publicly air them here!) that I am sick of the fight, but somehow I know I have no choice but to rage on... my only alternative is to just lie down.  And I've never been great at that.  

Yesterday was my three-months-of-work-fit-into-one-day trip to Sunnybrook for CT scans and oncology consults.  For CT scans at 1:30p.m. I had to be there at noon to register and get my bottle of disgusting chemical water juice stuff.  

To drink the litre of stuff they advise you drink a styrofoam cupfull every 15 minutes.  YUCK  I still prefer the old-school chalky liquid I had at my first CT scan in Collingwood because it's a much smaller bottle and you can just chug it and get it over with.  Well at least I have picked up some tips over the course of the last eight CT scans I have had, and they look like this:
 



Lovely CT nurse said I can add flavouring to the water, and she suggested I bring a glass or cup other than the styrofoam they provide. Bingo!  I was able to drink this jug with less than usual interference from my gag reflex.  And nobody batted an eyelash about me carrying this wine glass around the hospital with me!  Gotta love the anonymity of city dwelling.  

I took my cocktail through the tunnel at Sunnybrook and up to the Odette Cancer Centre to multi-task my drinking time by registering for my late afternoon appointment with my medical oncologist.  This involves routine bloodwork (only three vials this time!) as well so I got in queue while sipping my mango peach beverage, had my blood drawn, then found a comfy spot downstairs in Odette to wait until 1:30.


I arrived back at CT with empty wineglass in hand, and prepared for another needle poke for the contrast dye which is injected at a certain point in the scan.  
Typically this part of the day doesn't phase me but for some reason when the nurse tried for a vein (in the less favoured arm) it hurt SO much!  She couldn't find the artery but must have hit something because I immediately broke into a sweat and the room started to spin.  I tipped over, barely escaping fainting, thankfully I was able to lie down on the stretcher before I tipped forward right in her lap.  The dizzies calmed down once she removed the needle from my arm and was patting my forehead with a cold cloth.  Geesh... some CT pro I am!?!   Embarrassing... humbling.  Scary.  


Got the IV/needle all set up in my other arm and made my way to the waiting room, already feeling nauseated from the jugga stuff.  It commonly makes me feel sick, at both ends if you know what I mean.  I always hope the CT machines are running on time so I can run to the washroom ASAP and don't vomit my hard-earned glow worm juice before the scans are taken.  

As "luck" would have it, CT was running behind... It was a dizzying experience in a hot stuffy room with standing room only and a gag reflex being kept in check only by my awareness of the mustachioed dude beside me wearing just a hospital gown.  I was afraid to make any move for fear he might jump up to try to help me - or avoid any dashing accident I might make?!

I felt as badly for the staff as I did for myself with that waiting room full of people... some days you win, some days not so much. But they handled everyone with smiles as they always do.

Finally it was my turn in the huge machine, a fresh breath of air in the cool technology room.  Lie down on the platform thingy, zip back and forth through the giant doughnut, hold breath, breathe, arms up, arms down, IV needle out, and done!  Had a little chat with the Medical Radiation Technician about the schooling for her job (research for Claire), and off I went back through the tunnel to Odette.

My blood sugar was getting a bit low at this point too which wasn't helping my nausea, so after my beeline to the washroom I nibbled on the sandwich I had brought from home and tried to quell the burning throat sensation from all of that Mio (psychological maybe?).  Waiting for my oncologist appointment I was able to collect my wits, touch base with home, and catch up on my social media.

Into medical oncologist's room and updated her on the latest happenings, as this was the first time we had seen each other since the prednisone attempt.  She was disheartened to hear that my tummy trouble started up again so quickly after taking the prednisone, and she commented that perhaps she should have kept me on it for four weeks instead of two.  *GASP* 

I told her about my conversation with the naturopathic doctor and the probiotics I am taking every night now, and she said she appreciates the effort and yes the probiotics will help any imbalance in the gut, but the damage done by the immunotherapy is still a different animal.  
It's a chemical deal she said, no dietary influence will remedy it if there is damage to the intestinal tract.  SOoooo... off to a Gastroenterologist I go.  No ifs ands or buts about it.  I must.  And a scope will determine the extent of the damage plus they will take biopsies (enter my second near-fainting spell of the day).  

There is no getting around The Boss.  What this lovely lady lacks in physical size she makes up for in quiet force.  

She said we have to get to the bottom of this problem (so to speak) so that I don't end up with further damage and end up in surgery for a perforated bowel.  (I am NOT looking that up to find out what that is... I'll just take it for how it sounds) (Bad.)  I guess my foolproof plan of taking imodium for the rest of my life is not so foolproof after all.  Where my use of ipilimumab ends, my investigation of ulcerative colitis begins.  #melanomaSUCKS

I was open about my reluctance to have a scope etc. and she calmly answered my questions and patted my knee reassuringly as she always does.  
I seriously don't know how she keeps being nice to and caring for me when I am such a pain in the ass. (pun intended!) I give her a hard time about this issue every time I see her.  I can't help it!

I gave up my protest while she examined my breathing and felt around my remaining lymph nodes, until she got to my sensitive neck/throat.  Since thyroidectomy I have had enlarged nodes and some bumps in my neck that we have been watching on CT and ultrasounds.  I asked her if I should see my head and neck surgeon as I did not have a follow-up booked with him.  I was content with her exams and her scrutiny of my quarterly CT scan images, but, always aware of the importance of self-advocacy, I asked just in case.  

She said "Hhmm yes good idea, hey, he is here in clinic this afternoon, how about I go see if I can snag him to come take a quick look?"  Really?  Fantastic yes please!! And sure enough, not 15 minutes later I was in consult with my thyroid surgeon, completely unplanned but very much appreciated!  

I have said before that I feel Sunnybrook has rolled out the red carpet for my family and I in the last two years, and my sentiments were just reinforced yesterday.  Amazing... thanks peeps.. wow what else can I say.

Quick chat with my ever-efficient surgeon and he gave me what he called a neck massage (with the ultrasound machine on a cart). Awesome.  He is really the only person I want poking around my neck anymore so this worked out very well.  

He examined the bumps and ruled out cancer recurrence by the visual aid, but said he would also look at my CT scan to double check.  He said it is some scar tissue from surgery and will likely remain for the life of my neck.   Okay, thank you, I trust him.  

All that said and done, I got my shit together and hit the dusty trail.  Well, the 400 Northbound to go home.  Another whirlwind trip done, and I remain grateful for the strength to be able to take myself down and back like that.  I know there will come a day when I can't, but for now I'm on it.

I am paying for it today however, feel like I've been hit by a truck.. exhausted and extra tummy trouble.  

 
Tomorrow I head to RVH in Barrie for radiation oncology consult (to keep me on file there and always provide a built-in second opinion) and my therapist visit.  

Hopefully I will sleep better tonight than I did last night.  I try to pace out my appointments a bit better than this week is planned, but CT scan is a biggie and therapist at the RVH Cancer Centre is also worth the schedule.  The girls are joining me tomorrow as well and we are meeting friends at Gilda's Club for a visit too so it will be a well-rounded day.  I predict takeout for supper!



Article & Photos © Natalie Richardson


Sunday, March 6, 2016

World Lymphedema Day

http://lymphaticnetwork.org/

My experience with Lymphedema has not changed much in the past year; I still need to pursue further massage/lymph drainage, get the swelling down, and then get a stocking to prevent further damage in my right leg.  I am procrastinating.  And today is a good reminder that I should not do so. 

This is my post from one year ago today:



And here are some new images and information... please feel free to share. 


http://canadalymph.ca/




https://lymphontario.wildapricot.org/



http://lymphaticnetwork.org/news-events/lern-week-in-review-march-14-2014

http://www.cancercenter.com/community/infographics/



Saturday, March 5, 2016

I am a "Special Snowflake"

And no, I am not referring to my prematurely grey hair, because of which Claire calls me "Snowball." 

Yesterday I had the pleasure of meeting a new medical professional I have chosen to add to my team: a Naturopathic Doctor in Collingwood referred by one of my CCAC Nursing friends (CCAC says I'm a lifer, they will visit me every month on an on-going basis).  I adore the ND I have seen in the past, but I have chosen to go with this route as I need a specialist in post-cancer treatment care, specifically one who understands the details of immunotherapy and cancer side-effects.  Plus I travel in the Collingwood-Barrie-Toronto direction far more frequently than Owen Sound. 

This lady obviously does know the ins-and-outs of the beast called immunotherapy (for me, it was ipilimumab) - wow what a conversation in the place of one hour!  I am a reasonably informed patient, but I learned stuff yesterday that has already helped me to feel better and understand a bit more of what is happening in my foreign-feeling body.  

After a thorough explanation of my family physician's and medical oncologist's and endocrinologist's words and recommendations, I also summarized my 20-year experience with natural/alternative remedies/treatments and my preference toward using them in combination with a healthy diet of vegetables and "bird seed."  I was hoping to give her a high-level overview of my knowledge and personality so that she would know we don't have to start from scratch, ie. I already know what it is to be a vegetarian, to take vitamin supplements, and to be connected to my mind-body needs.  

I didn't want to spend any of my hour reviewing why I need to take calcium supplements; I want to cut to the chase: I am desperately trying to avoid further use of prednisone, imodium, and anything to do with the word colonoscopy.  

We reviewed all of the things my body, my family, and I have been through in the last two years; please bear with me while I write a quick review, in order, from April 2014 to now:
- diagnosed with stage 3b nodular metastatic melanoma with a relatively high rate of mitoses (spread)
- surgery to remove 13 lymph nodes (4 of which were positive for cancer) in my hip/groin as well as a second surgery to take a bigger hunk out of my original mole (tumour) site to get clear margins, this involved eight weeks strict bedrest, a round of antibiotics and a nerve-repair drug called Gabapentin, a month of recording the contents of daily drainage bottles attached to the interior of my incisions, and a mountain of stress and fear over what was to become of me 
- diagnosis of lymphedema in my right leg
- a 68-week course of 8 treatments of a potent immunotherapy on clinical trial for stage 3 melanoma, ipilimumab (affectionately known in my family as pacmen)
- a diagnosis of papillary thyroid cancer, thankfully not a melanoma, it was a separate, second primary cancer
- onset of side-effects from ipi treatments 3 weeks apart ie. fatigue, chemo brain, tummy trouble
- surgery to remove thyroid gland, tumour on thyroid gland, 2 parathyroid, and 37 lymph nodes (10 of which were positive for cancer)
- staph infection in my thyroidectomy incision, antibiotics, drainage bottle
- lymphedema in my neck and shoulder
- the weight gain really began
- I-131 radioactive iodine treatment to zap any remaining thyroid cancer cells, the result of which shows an intermediate risk of recurrence due to remaining level of irradiated thyroid cells showing on nuclear medicine scan
- CT scans every 3 months, ongoing, with toxic contrast dye injections every time
- a course of Prednisone to try to alleviate the tummy trouble which my oncologist feels should be on its way to disappearing by now.  Of course I would end up in the 20% of patients that end up with high-grade diarrhea from this trial.  I have before mentioned I am "lucky" in this regard.

Apologies to those of you who know my story already, I needed to summarize for new readers and for myself.  
Writing this list this morning has created simultaneously the feelings of stress and tension for all the crap I have been through, but also a feeling of accomplishment for surviving all the crap I have been through (to date).  This is my journey, and though some days it feels like it's never going to EFF-ing end, I still feel motivated to try to improve it: the journey, and myself, inside and out.  

Back to the ND and the Special Snowflake stuff... 

We discussed in detail the issues around my thyroid, ahem, or lack thereof.  Upon thyroidectomy, every patient has to take a daily thyroid hormone replacement in the form of a little pill, to be taken every morning with a full glass of water, one hour prior to coffee or any other food, beverage, or supplement.  

My dose is the highest they prescribe, I knew that.  But until yesterday I didn't know why.  ND explained that this high dose while it may be too much for my body, it is necessary to keep my remaining thyroid cell stuff suppressed, in order to help avoid thyroid cancer recurrence.  Wow okay I didn't realise that before.  I think it is true what they say, in a doctor's office you hear only 50% of what they say (especially in an oncologists office!) - my family physician has patiently explained this stuff to me before but I still didn't quite get it.  

Having said that, the high dose of thyroid hormone causes my body a bit of confusion.  It actually makes my body HYPERthyroid, which means faster metabolism, spurts of energy/hyperactivity, mood swings, insomnia, fatigue, muscle weakness, and guess what - diarrhea.  So because I have no thyroid I am not automatically HYPOthyroid?  

No... not exactly.  My body is roller-coastering between hyperthyroid and hypothyroid because the excess hormone replacement is being used by my body in a thing called "Reverse T3."  
The ND explained it well but my chemo brain is currently restricting my explanation of the details.  She told me to look it up and I did, here are a couple of links that explain things in line with what ND said: http://www.stopthethyroidmadness.com/reverse-t3/  and http://www.holistic-hypothyroidism-solutions.com/reverse-t3.html

The trick is, there is nothing we can do to treat my symptoms of hyper/hypo/reverseT3 stuff.  It is more important for me to live with these symptoms than to have the thyroid cancer come back.  
That's putting it simply but it is the end of that conversation.  I think family doctor will be happy to hear that because she (and endocrinologist!) doesn't want anyone messing with my thyroid levels/meds.  Bottom line Natalie: You are a SPECIAL SNOWFLAKE.  Suck it up Snowflake.  :-)

About the post-immunotherapy colitis symptoms however, I have news.  We are going to try a three week course of high dose of probiotics.  The good ones, the friendly bacteria.  

This is not the eat-two-yogurts-a-day challenge, this is take-a-minimum-of-50-billion-live-critters-every-night at bedtime, no matter what.  Swallow 4 capsules of nature's bounty.  Sounds good to me, I already had an inkling that these may help, in fact, this is the bottle I always keep on hand and have taken sporadically but had on my list of question for ND as to how to take them properly?  I know they are sensitive little bugs and taking them incorrectly can make them redundant:


She said we have a coin-toss chance of success with this, but it is worth a try.  If that doesn't work, we will investigate food intolerances.  Yikes, I hope the probiotics work, as I consume pretty much only the stuff I like! so... if I have food (or wine) intolerances that are causing my flare-ups then I will be a cranky camper.  

Chances are that all of the treatments/meds/antibiotics I have had have caused a Dysbiosis (also called dysbacteriosis) - a term for a microbial imbalance on or inside the body. Dysbiosis is most commonly reported as a condition in the digestive tract.  This would be understandable due to all the stuff on that list I wrote above.  

The other factor is that in my 20's I was diagnosed with Irritable Bowel Syndrome, and from that I have learned a lot about my food choices and intolerances (to gluten, for example, though I eat gluten anyway silly me).  For the most part those settled down over the years, but now with the intense immunotherapy treatment my digestive system has quite likely been provoked into reacting again to food intolerances OR it has developed entirely new intolerances.  

Should the probiotics not work, I will write about that more as we explore the options.  This post is long enough!  
Geesh... if you're still reading, thank you.   


PS - Don't worry... I won't let all of this "Special Snowflake" stuff go to my head!  My family keeps me firmly grounded with commentary such as Cassandra's observation yesterday that "Mom - EVERY snowflake is special, because they are all unique!"  *sigh* Thanks Cass.  ;-)







Turning a Negative into a Positive

Part B of my meeting with Naturopath (ND) yesterday:

Instead of writing down everything I eat and how my body reacts to it, I will be keeping a journal of my healing process.

I may have gone in guns-a-blazing to the ND yesterday - hard to imagine I'm sure, for those of you who know how stubborn I am - cutting to the chase about how difficult I find it to write down what I eat every day.  I eat well, but I eat rich, mainly healthy, but writing it down forces me to face in yet another way how I am failing my body, or how it is failing me.  

I don't want to think about it any damn more than I already do!  But I have to, in order to help ND help me fix my tummy trouble.  Food and drink, water consumption, alcohol, vitamin and herbal supplements, all of it.  I go into fits of anxiety over writing this stuff down.  
You may have noticed I have not (yet) returned to the lovely Lymphedema massage therapist since meeting her in October?  She asked me to write down everything I eat and drink so that we can use that information to help my post-cancer therapy and physical recuperation.  Well, I have tried countless times but always by about day three I throw out my list with a huff of despair. 
I don't like to do things I don't like doing.  Um... I guess that sounds a bit like a two-year-old having a temper tantrum.  Well I am having a temper tantrum.  
I have enough to deal with that is out of my control, perhaps enjoying my cooking, eating, and drinking habits is among the few pleasures I have left in my life.  Any purist reading this may roll their eyes and say "come on Natalie you know better!  You can CURE your cancer with green smoothies and positive thinking!!"  *HUFF*  NOT

I know it is imperative when trying to diagnose food intolerances or other causes of digestive system upset to recognize patterns.  In order to recognize patterns one must document findings of results and prior behaviours.  Ugh!  I'm trying to live in the moment here people!!  Writing down my every swallow is not helpful to my psychological situation.  I just hate it.  

(See what my therapist - and my family - has to deal with??) 

ND said well, how about this: Keep a journal of my healing process and how I am feeling.  Write down how nourished I feel, body, mind, and spirit.  Write down what I did to nourish myself, whether that be take my calcium and iron supplements properly, take the dog for a walk, write on my blog, hug my kiddos, call an old friend, sleep for 78hours... just write the positive.  
Instead of beating myself up for eating some chips or drinking a bottle of wine, focus on the good stuff. And... more good stuff will follow.  Perhaps if I see a pattern of feeling better nourished after taking my iron supplements with a glass of grapefruit juice every day for a week, then I will just want to take the iron instead of bitching about it.  

This may seem basic to anyone who has not experienced what I have experienced - I don't mean to keep bringing that up, but it is key to my healing process.  Acknowledgement of my bad experiences is as important to my healing as is acknowledgement of the need for positive thinking.



In addition to the thyroid talk and plan to heal colitis-like symptoms, ND and I spoke about my concern about the weight I have gained.  It's not funny.  I am upset about my weight gain, my puffy lymphedema in my neck and leg, my altered physical state, and my resulting self-image.  

All my life I have been up and down with weight, I am well aware of HOW to lose 100 pounds.  In fact, I have done that before.  OhI'vebeeneverywhereman...   
The weight situation I have on  my hands now is a result of cancer, cancer treatment, cancer treatment side-effects, and the battle my body is waging against cancer.  

ND explained "Body is holding on to everything She possibly can because She is afraid of what is going to be thrown at Her next.  Been through the trenches in the last couple of years, so reasonable for Her to expect there could be more."  

Please no, I am desperately hoping not.  But I get the point.  Between the lesser physical activity due to fatigue/lymphedema/reverseT3 and the changed metabolism due to thyroidectomy, I knew upon diagnosis that my body would no longer be my own.  BUT - I would like to get back into my black velvet jeans!!  Lots yet to figure out about my "new normal" but I am still a woman after all!

Part of my Nourishment Journal will be to track patterns that may help with weight loss, but at this point I am not in the physical nor mental position to go on a protein diet or drink shakes for meal replacements or any of that stuff.  I have to go with my gut feelings on food, or at least on my gut's reactions to food so to speak, once we see if the probiotics will do the trick.  

Plenty of greens, grains, legumes, and water will improve my health as much as will reducing my intake of wheat, dairy, meat, sugar and alcohol.  I will approach all of those with a positive viewpoint on how I nourish my body.  Easy peasy, I actually already know this stuff, now just do it.

It is clear to me also that writing is part of this process for me.  It is cathartic, but it is also a good way for me to document patterns, share what I am learning, and to remind myself of all of these things when chemo brain makes me forget.   Blog is in a way my journal already I suppose... don't worry, I will keep the every day Nourishment Journal stuff private, I'm sure you don't want to know how many glasses of water I have had to drink today!  ;-)